Monday, 21 May 2012

Five Sentence Fiction: Foggy

Time for another Five Sentence Fiction post. As usual, every week Lillie McFerrin posts a prompt. The objective? Write a five sentence long Flash Fiction story based off that prompt. It doesn't need to include the word, but just be the seed of the story.

My original idea for this prompt was different, but I couldn't get the idea to work. Perhaps I'll go back to it sometime, and write another story based off the idea. Perhaps it simply can't be told in five short sentences, and needs to be something a little longer. As usual, thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!

This Week's Prompt: Foggy


Despite the density of the fog I knew that something was wrong.

I should have been able to see movement in the cabin’s windows, a shadow pass as my wife laid the table and my son did his best to distract her, but not the porch swing nor the trees dared to move and not a single light shone from within.
I got out of the car, my heart beating so hard I thought it would burst out of my chest, my mind whirring through all the possibilities. As my foot touched the porch step I had almost convinced myself that, just maybe, Sheryl had simply fallen asleep; a short lived lie, and in retrospect my last moment of solace before my world was ripped apart.

My foot slipped on something wet and I had to grab onto the railing to keep from falling; I looked, my heart beating even harder; the porch, the doorframe, and the door itself were soaked in what could only be my family’s blood.

24 comments:

  1. OHHHHHHHHH this is good, I wanna know what happened to them!!

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  2. YEEEK. Definitely a pivotal moment launching the reader into a chilling horror story. So much said in a few sentences. Well done!

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    1. Thank you =) really glad you enjoyed. Where's your FSF lately, hmm?

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  3. So awful, and built so well within your writing...my mind is whirling with 'why' and 'what happend?'

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    1. Thank you! Hmm, I think I'll leave that up to you. That's the best way, is it not?

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  4. A very grim scenario, convincingly portrayed. Well done.

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  5. Maybe it's not their blood but the blood of ...

    Great suspense ... love it!

    Robert

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  6. Ooo, that's good!! Liked a lot!!

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  7. I love this piece... I want to know what happened and what happens next! Who did it and are they still there?

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    1. Thanks! That's what I love about flash fiction. Plus it makes me feel like I've actually finished something, as opposed to the many short stories that are currently sitting in limbo ;)

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  8. Yet again..I love this piece! (I know, how boring of me, right?)

    It is so dark and chilling. A true nightmare that all of us would fear. The thought of facing that kind of scenario would be horrific. Just knowing that something was wrong from the moment he seen the cabin....what an awful experience! The fact that it is possible for any of us to go through makes it even more scary!

    Clearly, all of us have been left when one question...what happens next damnit? lol

    Great work, Matt x

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    1. Thanks Gem. Then again you love everything ;)

      Yeah, all horror should have a hint of reality. It can't all be ghouls and goblins. Take a look at Stephen King's "The Mist" (and Frank Darabont's excellent movie adaptation). A group of ordinary people are trapped in a supermarket when a strange mist descends on the town. Soon after otherworldly creatures start appearing in the mist, and prey on the survivors. This isn't the true horror of the story though - as the survivors become more desperate they look for answers in the one place they can see them - in a fanatical religious woman who believes the mist is a sign of the end of days, and only through sacrificing the sinful can they be saved.

      Chilling stuff. The point is, we are the true monsters.

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  9. gulp... Were you raised on a healthy (or unhealthy) dose of slasher movies? Great tension. Nicely crafted.

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    1. I was definitely raised on horror, not only slasher movies! They were a huge influence on me when growing up, and I don't think they messed me up...much. The day might yet come when I go postal and lay waste to a bus of bewildered tourists.
      Thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed!

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  10. When suspense full, nice build up with the heart beat references.

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    1. Thank you =) and thanks for reading!

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  11. I love the tension from the very first sentence... smart move! And then you draw the reader in!

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    1. Thank you =) was hoping I'd done a good job with that. Thanks for reading!

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  12. You did such an effective job of building the tension with each sentence. Each word had purpose, and that is so difficult to accomplish in such a beautiful way. Really well done!

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    1. Thank you =) this really, really means a lot. In retrospect it's definitely not my best, not by far, but perhaps as best as I could do.
      Thank you for reading =) your FSF challenges are mega helpful!

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