Friday, 8 June 2012

Five Sentence Fiction: Lost


It's Five Sentence Fiction time again! As usual, every week Lillie McFerrin posts a prompt on her blog (now moved to a new site). The goal? A flash fiction story, five sentences long, based on the prompt.

This one is a little formulaic, but I think it might work regardless. As usual, thanks for reading, and leave a comment to let me know what you think.

This Week's Prompt: Lost
(Photo taken by me - please do not use without permission)



It was starting to get dark; mist was rolling in from the reservoir, blurring the lines of trees and fallen logs and the slopes where, Sophie knew, she could easily fall and break her leg. As she stumbled on a mossy log she called out for them again, but she knew it would be fruitless; it had been hours since she had strayed from the path, and her parents were likely searching in completely the wrong direction.
Her eyes stung after the deluge of tears; another log, another stumble and she caught her balance on a huge tree, resting her back against it to try and let her despair subside. And there, almost hidden by a huge oak, was the smallest cabin; threadbare curtains hung on the windows, illuminated by the flickering candlelight within.
Her heart screamed that this was not right, that something seemed off, but she approached the cabin anyway; it was only when she got closer that she saw a hand let the threadbare curtain fall, and her voyeur’s shadow dart past the candlelight.

21 comments:

  1. Oh dear, someone's made the wrong decision here. I liked this, there was a very clear sense of being lost in this.

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    1. Thank you =) glad that came across.

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  2. I think I'd run, very fast...at this point! I like your misty picture too!

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    1. Thanks! That was a great day, up in the reservoirs above my town. Could barely see in front of you.

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  3. Eeee! No, Sophie, NO!!! Don't go in the house! Ahhhhhh!

    Well done! I do like this. A LOT. (Well, other than being worried about poor Sophie...)

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    1. Haha =) thank you. Didn't feel like it was my strongest, at all, being so formulaic.

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  4. Great suspense! Provokes so many questions! Well done!

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  5. Oh creepy ending! I'd take some Python advice here... "Run away!" Nicely done.

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    1. Thank you =) and thanks for reading.

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  6. This is c-r-e-e-p-y! It lends itself to so many possibilities... great tension!

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    1. Thanks! I do love a bit of tension.

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  7. Scary but intriguing. This could go in so many different directions. The voyeur does not, of course, have to be her enemy. He might turn out to be her unlikely savior! Ok, so I'm sappy...


    Mine is here: www.thejadedlens.com/2012/06/08/Francesca

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    1. But of course, challenging stereotypes and the like.
      Will take a look at yours =) thanks for reading.

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  8. I love a great mystery! The descriptions are very detailed and I could picture every word. I would love to know what happens next. Great job!

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    1. Thanks for the kind words =) glad you enjoyed.

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  9. I agree that this could morph into a longer short story or even novel. You do a great job of creating tension and a sense of place.

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    1. Thank you =) who knows, perhaps something will come of it someday. Thanks for reading.

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  10. Yikes! Chilling. Creepy. Her worst nightmare. I see this as a thriller scene from a movie script. Nice work. Here's mine:
    www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

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  11. Chills ran down my spine near the end of that, especially when I read "..and her voyeur’s shadow dart past the candlelight."

    Eeeek, Sophie! What are you playing at?? I hope, this voyeur is actually a knight in shining armour to save her! :-) If not, she is making a huge mistake!!!

    Lets think positive!!!! Great Job, Sir x

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  12. Oh, hello! That's a story I want to read :) The way you set this up, each word had meaning, was so perfect.

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